Project #54452 - Personal Statement

These are relatively short uni application (3) essays that I need to answer: 

I want to have a good hook, and a good flow and be able to keep the reader engaged (powerful) essays. My general ideas are provided, please help me rephrase, restructure and correct my grammar mistakes. 

Question 1:

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)

Here is my draft:It's been a great experience here in Pasadena City College. Over the past few months in PCC, I have been having a lot of different experiences, and it has helped me realize that Business is the subject I am really interested at and passion about. 

-Transferring to USC, because I feel like I want to have a different setting, as USC marshall school is one of the top business schools in the world, in that sense, I am really interested in being in that environment, studying with passionate business students. 

-Another objectives, is where i feel like USC is the best place for me to make some lifelong connections

Question 2:

USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

Here is my draft:She and I arrived in the United States at the same time. Six months later, on the 4th of July, they mistook her for Islamic Iranian, and to celebrate their American patriotism, they threw eggs at her. She couldn't do anything, no one helped, and all she could do was go home, clean up and forget about it. As she told me the story, I wanted to do something and voice out for her. It took me some time, a few months, as I learned to cope with the local PCC education system, but then, motivated by my father's advice, I formed the Malayasian Society. I gather malaysians not only from PCC but Malaysians in L.A. We meet once a week, we share our weekly experiences, and we would visit an orphanage or old folks home once a month.

Question 3:

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit)

Draft: I didn't do well academically at first. I felt that the schoolwork assigned had no real-world application, and I lost interest. But I spent my time in other ways. Instead, I spent a lot of time, reading about financials and company listing documents for my dad's company. I find business interesting because it applies to the real world; I felt that I could relate to it. Seemingly, my major should be business. -> what do at USCBut at the same time, I enjoy doing art. It's my way of expressing myself. When I paint, I feel like I am escaping the real world. -> what do at USCWith these two interests clashing, I have yet to decide my major, which is why I have chosen undeclared.

 

PS: Feel free to ask me questions, I am willing to add money if I feel it worths more, I just want really good essays, fees is arguable. 

Subject English
Due By (Pacific Time) 01/23/2015 12:00 am
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