Project #72471 - Editing Research Paper

I have a Reseach paper needs some edit and I have the Dr comment and he highlighted whatever needs change: 

 

here is the comment 

 

 I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into your paper.  However, you continue to have some problems with the organization and structure.  Your basic argument is that the Super Bowl attracts fans that visit the cities where the games are held and that the media both help this process and also benefit advertisers who run ads during the telecast of the game.  You mention that fans visit the games from other countries and that these fans and fans from the U.S. engage in social interaction, promoting cultural exchanges.  You also mention that the advertisers/marketers use social media to engage the fans in conversations about their ads for products.  The problem is that when you present facts and figures supporting your statements, those statements don’t relate to specific Super Bowl games and the cities in which they take place.  Every game is an important event for the NFL, for the media, for marketers and for fans, but each one has its own identity.  Obviously, you can’t discuss every Super Bowl, but you should tell the reader which one you are using to make your points about the impact of the games on television viewers, fans who come to visit, the interaction among fans, on media (traditional and social), and on marketers.  I don’t know if you’re still around and want to discuss this in my office.  I could have a conversation with you, but I have to leave town on Wednesday.  I’ve been pretty specific about what you can do to improve the paper.

 

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Due By (Pacific Time) 06/09/2015 12:00 am
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