Project #84332 - Informative Speech- Needs Revisen

Hi,

Needs to be 2 1/2 to 3 pages. Already 2 pages

Please add a couple .edu sites and/or .gov or .org for statistical info ( a must)

Please remove irrelevant quotes 

Needs 3 main points, Please put a strong claim in the first paragraph

I think the speech is too self centered on myself rather being informative, need to be strictly informative on the 3 main points.. Make it so I don't sound like I'm bragging about myself.

Thank you

Here and after is the speech to give you an idea:

When reflecting on my life and what has inspired me to push forward and receive the best possible education that I can, I distinctly remember two quotes that have influenced me. Oprah Winfrey once said “Education is the key to unlocking the world, a passport to freedom” (20 Inspiring Graduation Quotes). I first heard this quote when I was a much younger. This quote drove me to study and it motivated me to understand as much information as I possibly could. I desperately wanted that passport to the world because I wanted to see the world and education was the only way that I could possibly have that passport that Oprah talked about. 

The second quote was said by Steve Jobs a at a Stanford University graduation ceremony. He said “remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart (Jobs). Ever since I heard this quote, I chose to live my life this way and it was by far one of the best decisions of my life. 

I am truly honored and very grateful to stand here before all of you today. Graduating high school a bit earlier than my other classmates is a very big privilege because I feel that I get a head start in life. I am already dual enrolled at college and taking classes to pursue my educational dreams. I know that this road will not be easy because I will meet new professors, new friends, and take on new assignments and other various educational challenges that college has to offer. But Steve Jobs' words still ring true in my head as I let go of any fear that I have entering my freshmen year. 

When I was in high school, I never in my wildest dreams imagined myself standing in front of such a  distinguished crowd. Growing up, I was very motivated, but I always had some self doubt that held me back. I am living proof that once you get rid of your self doubt, once you get rid of the fear of embarrassment and start believing in yourself, you can truly accomplish anything (Ayres-Deets).

I also wanted to talk to you about how self discipline is because without it, I would not be here where I am today (Thorpe). Life is all about balancing the important things in your life. Making time for friends and family, studying, sleeping and taking time for yourself are all apart of the balancing act that humans do every single day (Thorpe). But self discipline is truly what separates humans because without this trait, one can veer from the path that they want to follow. Succeeding in school, at work, in sports all takes self discipline in order to become the best that one can be. I am very lucky that I was able to balance a life in high school and I am blessed that my self discipline helped me surge forward to this exact moment. 

I would like to end with another quote from someone whom I admire very much. Dr. Seuss said “you have brains on your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. An you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go” (20 Inspiring Graduation Quotes). I chose where I wanted to go in life and I followed that choice. Just like me, you have the power to choose your path and follow your dreams. 

 

Subject English
Due By (Pacific Time) 09/30/2015 09:00 am
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