Project #84464 - Management Assignment: Revising Sentences

Main Exercise:

Section A. Make these sentences “Correct”: Use proper grammar. Avoid these kinds of problems: lack of agreement, wrong punctuation mark, misspelling, and un-parallel structure.

A-1. Many issues has been identified by the executives. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section A, plus one bonus problem from the list of problems in section D) A-2. Nowadays, health insurance is being witheld directly by employers. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section A, plus one bonus problem from the list of problems in section D) A-3. In France, business people are usually late for their meetings, however, as a business courtesy, American business people should arrive on time. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section A) A-4. While discussing the film Inception, the film critic mentioned that when Warner Bros. does thrillers, they do it well. (This sentence contains two problems from the list of problems in section A) A-5. The cook’s job description included baking cakes, to make brownies, and washing dishes. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section A)

Section B. Make these sentences “Considerate”: Use a “you” attitude, positive language, and good etiquette. Avoid this kind of problems: biases. B-1. The spokesman presented a plaque dedicated to the founding fathers of the policemen society. (This sentence contains three identical problems from the list of problems in section B) B-2. A good mechanic is priceless. However, in addition to knowing cars he should have some business experience to run the shop smoothly. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section B, plus one bonus problem from the list of problems in section A)

Section C. Make these sentences “Clear”: Use the right transitions and the right words. Avoid these kinds of problems: nominalization, clichés, metaphors, and obsolete or old-fashioned words. C-1. Enclosed herewith is a copy of your bill. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section C) C-2. She conducted an experiment. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section C) C-3. The CEO concluded that the project was on its final lap. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section C) C-4. She wanted to succeed; beyond, she studied every night. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section C)

Section D. Make these sentences “Concise”: Avoid passive voice, “There are, This is, It is” starters, long sentences, fragments, unnecessary qualifiers or hedging words, and redundancies. D-1. These are recognized as the most effective cleaning wipes. (This sentence contains two different problems from the list of problems in section D) D-2. Your department’s salary figures are being evaluated by the personnel department to determine your budget for the next year. (This sentence contains one problem from the list of problems in section D) D-3. The broker was a bit favorable to selling a slightly small quantity of this rather interesting stock. (This sentence contains three identical problems from the list of problems in section D) 

-Step in order to do the work well

Revising Sentences Revising business documents implies editing and proofreading and rewriting and doing the same all over again until the documents are correct (error free), considerate (readercentered), clear (easy to read and to understand), and concise (short and simple). Students may want to consult a grammar in order to remember the issues (e.g., agreement, parallel structure, passive voice) mentioned in each of the four groups of sentences . They may want to consult the writing principles reviewed in the Module on Principles. Information about these issues are also explained in the textbook (consult the index). Students should revise the sentences on the next page. They do not have to identify or name the mistakes. They have, however, to submit a correct improved version of each sentence. Sometimes, several problems exist in a given sentence.

 Grading: This assignment will be graded on correctness only. Students should only correct the problem(s) they have identified while keeping the original sentence. They should not invent a new sentence. For example, students cannot go from “She wanted to succeed; beyond, she studied every night.” (the C-4 sentence) to “She succeeded because she studied hard.” Since this sentence presents a “transition” problem, only the transition should be changed. The rest of the sentence should remain the same. Therefore, the proper answer should be as follows: “She wanted to succeed; __________ , she studied every night.” Only one answer is possible. Students will earn 1.5 points for each properly corrected problem, for a total possible of 30 points. If bonus problems are corrected, bonus points (0.5 points per problem) will be granted. 

Framework for answer Twenty problems in fourteen sentences properly corrected = 20 *1.5 = 30 points. Three bonus problems (A-1, A-2, B-2) can earn students 1.5 additional points. Do NOT modify the original sentences. Only change what needs to be changed in order to eliminate the problems. If all the sentences were correct (including the bonus problems), students could earn 31.5 points/30 points.

Subject Business
Due By (Pacific Time) 10/01/2015 06:00 pm
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